Meh... needs some work.
First off, I will say that the vision is there.
However, the execution needs a lot of work.
First, the drums are pretty badly mixed, and as a result sound terrible.
The snare needs compression, as it's very poppy with no impact.
The bass is really quiet, and needs some compression and EQing.
The hihat is really loud, turn it down some. The high frequencies cut through really well, so don't worry about drowning it out until it really does get drowned out. (See FarCryDX's most recent submission for an example of this.)
That little solo break is awesome, I really liked that.
The guitar tone overall, however, is pretty thin and lifeless.
It needs some serious beefing up, maybe reduce the gain a little and add in some mids and bass.
More bass than mids, though.
The bass guitar actually sounds pretty good, but most likely would disappear in the mix if you add some body to the guitars, so some EQing and compression is probably in order for the bass as well.
Really, you have a good idea here, just work on the recording quality.
I find myself relating this to an excellent painter who has nothing to work with but red and green for colors and trees for canvas.
Good luck with future submissions, I'll be waiting to hear them.
TN